In a given year, nearly one in four adults will be diagnosed with a mental disorder. These disorders can range from mild depression to severe schizophrenia. They can include bipolar disorder, PTSD, generalized anxiety, postpartum depression, and many more. Some can be treated with a combination of therapy and medication, some require lengthy periods of hospitalization. Some mental illnesses go into remission after a time, but many are chronic—meaning they never really go away.
People who suffer from mental illness are subject to every kind of stigma you can imagine, and everyone around them—from family to friends to complete strangers—seems to have a Very Important Opinion regarding the cause of mental illness, how to treat it, and how the mentally ill should feel about their own conditions. Often, people suffering from mental illness are told by those around them that their illness doesn’t actually exist, which only makes things worse and further isolates sick people who need support and healing.
Catholics are not certainly not immune to mental illness and, unfortunately, not immune to contributing to the stigma surrounding mental illness. Because mental illness is often invisible it is either discounted, spiritualized, or romanticized in the eyes of some in the Church who do not suffer from it themselves. Here are things you should avoid saying to Catholics with mental illness.
1. “St. [-insert Therese, Elizabeth Ann Seton, St. Gemma, or Magdalena de Pazzi, etc. here] suffered from mental illness and they turned out okay.”
Really, though. Don’t say that. The saints can be an enormous source of comfort for anyone suffering from mental illness (St. Dymphna ayyy girl), but saying it in this way is a gross simplification of what a mentally ill person goes through. Sure, the saints turned out okay, but not without prolonged and intense mental and spiritual suffering. Also, most of them lived long before the advent of modern psychology, so asking us to suffer like them is basically saying “lol you don’t need that silly therapy and medication nonsense.” Try again.
2. “Jesus said in Matthew ‘do not be anxious.'”
Yeah, He did say that. But that’s not the whole verse is it? In every instance in Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus urges His followers to not be anxious in reference to material needs, for God the Father will more than provide for them. The sort of anxiousness Jesus speaks about is not, NOT, N.O.T. generalized anxiety disorder or panic disorder; it is a state of the soul caused by greed and worldliness. Generalized anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, and other anxiety disorders are not caused by being anxious about food, drink, clothing, or “the things the Gentiles seek.” They are legitimate medical conditions that those who suffer from have literally no control over. I have had panic attacks triggered by stressful situations, and I’ve had panic attacks happen while sitting in bed in my pajamas reading my Bible and drinking chamomile tea. And in none of those instances was I fretting over anything mentioned in Matthew 6:25-34. Sooo, if you’re thinking of using this line, maybe you’re the one who needs to go back and review it?
3. “Padre Pio said ‘Pray, hope, and don’t worry.'”
I’m sorry, was the quote originally “Pray, hope, and just ignore the devastating and possibly life-threatening symptoms of an illness that is entirely out of your control?” Oh, it wasn’t? Just checking.
4. “You don’t need a psychiatrist, you need a spiritual director.”
Everyone could benefit from a good spiritual director. But unless he or she’s a wonderworker, they’re not going to cure anyone’s illness. In fact, spiritual directors are a help to discerning one’s vocation; they are NOT psychologists. Would you tell a person with a broken arm or high blood pressure to see a spiritual director instead of a doctor? Doubt it.
5. “Just give it to God.”
That’s…nice, but is it going to get a mentally ill person out of bed in the morning? Magically stop them from having psychotic episodes? Make them feel like you actually care about them instead of tossing them a trite quote that sounds like it came out of a Rick Warren book? Probably not.
6. “Don’t worry, God will heal you.”
What if He doesn’t? Does that mean He doesn’t love me? Does that mean I’m doing something wrong? Maybe you should actually try to imagine mentally ill people complexly and empathize with them instead of getting into what I can promise you will be a losing battle about theodicy.You might be thinking you’re using God as a source of encouragement, but you might end up using Him as a source of guilt.
7. “Your symptoms sound like demonic possession.”
Welp… If your intention was to make a mentally person either, A) More paranoid than they already are; B ) Feel more worthless and freakish than they already do; and/or C) Terrified to seek support for their illness within the Church, then congratulations! You did an outstanding job. Here’s your first place trophy for the Spread of Mental Illness Stigma heavyweight division.
8. “That’s so beautiful, you can unite yourself to Christ on the Cross. He felt abandoned by God too.”
Sooo let’s break down why this issss…bad.
– Telling a mentally ill person their illness is “beautiful” is possibly the most tone deaf and selfish thing that could come out of your mouth. Mentally ill people don’t exist to inspire you, and if you think another person’s psychosis, psych ward stints, and waking up in the middle of the night screaming because they’re convinced their abuser is in the house about to kill them are “beautiful,” you need to take a good hard look at yourself.
– Yes, we are called to unite our sufferings to Christ on the Cross. Acting as though it is beautiful to suffer from mental illness is just gross. Stop it.
– Don’t assume that mentally ill people feel abandoned by God. In fact, don’t assume you know how people feel about their relationship with God, period.
9. “You just need to get right with God.”
Ummmm no. It’s pretty terrible to assume the state of anyone’s relationship with God (unless you’re that person’s spiritual director), but pinning a mentally ill person’s illness on not being “right with God” (whatever that means in Christianese) is especially awful. Most mental illnesses already make their sufferers feel like they are worthless, wrong, and somehow bad. Don’t make it worse by implying that they need to work harder at trying to please your arbitrary version of God, because they definitely don’t.
10. “Be strong, God is testing you.”
Ok, so if God is testing me with mental illness, how do I know if I’m passing? If I give in and take meds do I fail? When does this magical test end? Is this like a Job situation where I get a bajillion sheep and cattle and a new mansion if I do a good job? Instead of making me feel like I’m a sinner in the hands of an angry God who afflicts His creatures with terrifying illnesses for funsies, maybe just offer to pray for me or give me a bottle of wine. Or both. Either one of these options is vastly more helpful and charitable.
Dealing with mental illness is hard. It’s hard on the people who suffer from it, and it’s hard on their loved ones. One of the worst things you can do is trivialize their struggles by knowingly or unknowingly implying that everything gets better with prayer (it doesn’t), that it’s as easy as “giving it to God,” (it’s not), that somehow this is the mentally ill person’s fault (it never is). Think before you speak. Mental illness is as real and as serious as physical illness. Don’t say anything to a mentally ill person that you wouldn’t say to someone with grave injuries or cancer. Because the truth is, mental illness can’t be understood or dealt with in terms of pious-sounding Christianese phrases, or short and sweet quotes from the saints. If you really want to help a mentally ill person, get to know them, and if necessary, help them seek professional help. Listen to them. Pray with them. Empathize with them. Let them know you will support them with your prayers.
In this Year of Mercy, I challenge you to be God’s mercy to anyone you know who is suffering from mental illness.
OK, I’ll bite.
First of all, what is called “mental illness” today is different from what was called “mental illness” forty years ago, and in another forty years you can bet it will be different again. Can’t stop eating? You’re not suffering from a temptation to gluttony; today we say you’ve got a food addiction. There are sex addictions and porn addictions, too, for those who don’t want to go the spiritual advisor route. And demonic possession? Yeah, right; that’s for people who actually believe all that stuff in the Bible and the Catechism. Of course we know now that it doesn’t exist. I think Oprah proved that sometime in the nineties.
Now it turns out that there *are* in fact real mental illnesses, but they usually require a professional to accurately diagnose them. Unfortunately, the professionals today are busy telling us that an 8-year-old boy who would rather be playing outside than sitting in a classroom has a mental illness, but Bruce Jenner, who wants to be thought of as a woman, does not.
So in conclusion, the best advice is to replace Brooke Gregory’s list with the less exciting recommendation to think before you speak and be considerate.
So Howard, what do you do if your Psychiatrist is a devout Catholic? And just because there may be some problems with Psychiatry, does not mean that these illnesses do not exist.
They are not actually in fact real mental illnesses – they are addictions and habitual behaviors. Addictions and habitual behaviors are not the same as mental illness. The diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders includes a whole range of things for the purposes of coding and billing. Their presence in the manual does not imply they are mental disorders. Case in point – parent child relational problem. And no, the professionals are not busy telling you that an 8 year old sitting in a classroom rather than playing outside has a mental disorder – I don’t know anything in the DSM that would suggest this and in my 20 years as a psychologist, I’ve never heard any mental health professional suggest such a thing. Maybe some armchair psychologist, but not an actual professional. And yes, Bruce Jenner, does have a disorder in the DSM – it is called Gender Dysphoria. So please, just stop. I think one of the spirits behind the point of the article is don’t act like a know-it-all when someone has a mental illness. It doesn’t help them. Your comments are not only unhelpful and unempathic, they are just wrong. Even the notion that think before you speak and be considerate is of little help, because it can still be a problem if you are ignorant about mental illness.
Right. Being considerate and speaking carefully is helpful, but ultimately gets the discussion about mental illness nowhere and isn’t as productive at stopping the spread of stigma as having real talk about mental illness and seeking to understand mentally ill perspectives.
Below the bio on this article: “You might also like: suffering” *Facepalm*
I have a ton of thoughts on this, but what comments are posted already have me antsy about sharing them…
I think the widget just links to articles with similar keywords, I’m getting a suggestion for an article about Fr. Kapaun and how he dealt with suffering.
Please do feel free to share your thoughts, as long as they are respectful.
I disagree with #1 and #10. Having suffered from periods of profound clinical depression I can say that the witness of the saints is precisely what got me through. When therapy does nothing for you and none of the medications have any effect at all, you’d be amazed how comforting and strengthening it is to know that if St. Therese could come through her depression safely and faithfully, that you can to. I speak from experience on this one. Concerning #10: I cannot think of a more unhelpful suggestion than to offer someone who is mentally ill a bottle of wine. Have you read none of the statistics about the relationship between alcohol consumption and deepening depression?! That bottle of wine, drunk alone, could be the very thing that pushes a borderline person over the edge!
I urge you to go back and read #1 more carefully. I expound that, while the witness of the saints can be very comforting, saying that exact quote to mentally ill people basically trivializes their struggles and minimizes how serious their situation can be. It can also be used to try to convince mentally people who need medication that they should just be able to power through without it like the saints did.
In regards to number ten, I’m aware of the statistics; that was mostly meant as a joke and a reference to my own experiences and preferences.
I have some issues with depression and I remember my ex-girlfriend who is a quote “former Catholic” telling me that the reason that I was depressed was basically because I don’t love God enough. To say I was angry is an understatement
I’m curious to know what the author’s experience is with mental illness since the article does not make a personal connection and the bio does not include any connecting details. Thanks.
I’ve experienced anxiety and depression symptoms since adolescence, have been formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder, and I’m considering seeking a PTSD diagnosis as I believe this is the root of my anxiety symptoms that have worsened since I extricated myself from a severely psychologically abusive relationship when I was in college. I tried to make the article more personal with personal and inclusive pronouns in a few entries, but didn’t want to focus so much on my own experiences because I didn’t want to make it “about me.” Mental illness encompasses a huuuuge variety of conditions and experiences, so I didn’t want to just limit the scope of the article to my own experiences of anxiety-related mental illness.
This is right and true. I have worked with these who are heroes to me for all they have to take.. I always just tlak to them like I talk to everyone else and they do the same. geez …you won’t catch it..whatever..and they can tell jokes too…don’t be so afraid to laugh..they are funny and cute too. and all things everyone else is aye carumbas
I’ve suffered from mental illness since childhood. I’m now 69 years old and still suffering. The comment that hurts me the most is “you don’t have enough faith in God ….”
i really really needed to read this today. i still suffer everyday from anxiety and apparently have developed depression.
thank you.
I wonder how many people who have mental illness have bothered to receive the anointing of the sick. After all, it is an illness.
I definitely have. Many may not because of the stigma that mental illness isn’t as “real” as physical illness, which is unfortunate. It helps!
Religion expects you to believe in a man in the sky who is angered by gay people, who created the entire universe in 7 days, who impregnated a Jewish teen girl 2k years ago so that he may be born …… Tell me: how is religion itself not a mental illness?
Tell me: how do you plan to cure it? Can it be cured? How do you plan to treat it? Evidently not well. We mad people are of the sort where you shouldn’t make us sound bad and you sometimes have to forego reason to do that because we want (you) to think that everyone sees life the same way.
So tell me: are children mad? We do call ourselves “children of God” and that includes the “gay people” simply because, whether they are “born (or bred) this way” – in fact it’s both – each of them are “not born with company”, to put it nicely.
So for all you know (about what “religion expects you to believe”), you are either sub-consciously hopeful – very sub-consciously – or you’re worse than us mad people because knowledge is supposed to be better than belief.
Or you tell me.
So much talk, yet so very little substance. You need to explain to us how your belief in the benevolent Man in the Sky is sound and rational. Please explain. You sound rather confident that he is there, so it should be easy.
You’re right, there was “so very little substance”… Because, Legion, if I could “explain to you all” (my) Faith, I may very well not exist. For I would have to be the Lord God, who alone can (and doth) under-stand himself (and perfectly at that), being Being – or “substance” – and (so) Perfection itself. As if there’s any other way of being perfect!
In fact I am not perfect but, even so, I do know a deflection when I see one – and it’s standalone so a sign of illogic. (You seriously answered a question with a question!?) And yet I can’t help but think – so you see? I am mad! – that your non-answer is a sign of your sub-conscious hope. So let me give a religious answer to the “us” you claim to be:
Get behind me, satan! You are an obstacle in my path, because the way you think is not God’s way but man’s. For what has a man to offer in exchange for his life? Mark, Mark! Satan, you must know, has got his wish to sift you all like wheat; but I will pray for you, Mark, that your faith may not fail, and once you have recovered, you in turn must strengthen your brothers.
(But for now, according to circumstance, you may have the last say with any reply to this.)
What on earth are you talking about?
That there is the top ten things said to Catholics with mental illness. On one hand, looking at the lives of the saints CAN help. But some of those are really damaging. Especially the “obviously, you wouldn’t have that problem if you had more faith”. I’ve heard that during healing masses and the like. There are some who tell those struggling with cancer that they only have cancer because they have some spiritual problem. Talk about tempting one to wrath…
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