Nothing says Thanksgiving dinner like awkward family attempts at evangelization. You have everyone’s attention and you may not see them again for a while. Don’t miss the opportunity to evangelize with these conversation starters.*
Saints
“They say a turkey will run around even after its head is cut off…speaking of which, ever heard of the Cephalophores?”
Pope Francis
“Why YES, I’ll have more mashed potatoes…Or as the Italians say, ‘SI!’ Which reminds me, what did you think of the Pope’s new encyclical, Laudato Si?
“Pope Francis said throwing food away is like stealing from the table of the poor and this is quite a spread…looks like we have our work cut out for us”
Reproductive Technologies
“I bet that being a turkey inseminator would be a terrible job. Did you know that the Church actually teaches that artificially inseminating humans is immoral? Would you like to know why?
ISIS
“If we don’t get serious about the spread of ISIS and radical jihadism, in the future we may not be able to enjoy mom’s amazing bacon and sausage stuffing.”
Petrine Authority
“Thank God for the authority Christ gave Peter and his successors to lift Jewish dietary restrictions so we could enjoy this bacon stuffing!”
Sunday Mass
“I’m so sad that [fill in absent family member] couldn’t be here to celebrate with us. I bet this is how Jesus feels when you’re not at Sunday mass.”
Tithing
“You’ll notice I’ve preemptively cut 10% out of every pie to donate. HINT. HINT.”
Mass
“Happy thanksgiving everyone. Did you know that ‘Eucharist’ means thanksgiving? We should probably celebrate by going to mass this morning. Probably. Yeah definitely.
An Analogy
“So which do you think is more dry, this turkey or your spiritual life?
NFP
This gravy is off the chart! And by the way, I’d be happy to provide a refresher on NFP charting after pie.”
Football
“Good thing Thanksgiving is on a Thursday. Now you can fall asleep on the couch watching football and won’t miss mass!”
Suggested Passive Aggressive Dinner Prayer
“Let us pray…Father of every good gift, we give you thanks today, especially, for your many blessings. We promise to not take them for granted anymore, for example, by failing to fulfill our Sunday mass obligations because we’re too busy or some nonsense, by failing to form our consciences in favor of whatever is fashionable or popular, and not treating every person as your living Image, especially the most vulnerable such as the unborn and the refugee. We’re sorry for the times we’ve flat out ignored the teaching of your Holy Catholic Church, by doing things like persisting in habits of sin and vice, making political parties our real gods, voting for candidates who promote unjust laws. We pray preemptively for your mercy in the next few weeks when we will no doubt turn Christmas into a purely secular and commercial practice, leaving Christ out in the cold, not unlike He and His Blessed Mother were mercilessly turned away on that first of Christmases. And have mercy on us, especially today, when we gorge ourselves on foods that contain upwards of three thousand percent of our daily allowance of everything and that would feed a small village for a week. We pray for those who are alone today or have nothing to eat. We should have invited them. Shame on us. Amen. Who wants a drumstick!”
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, from our EpicPew Family to you and yours!
*This is for entertainment only. While Thanksgiving is a great time to share your faith, we would not recommend these imprudent attempts at “evangelization”. Want to evangelize? Live your faith joyfully and talk about Jesus like He’s real and your life is different because of it. That’s certainly something to be thankful for.
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