With the big game coming up fairly quickly, I began to think about how the saints would have coached certain teams. That morphed into how they would carry out their duties as coaches of high school teams and clubs. Some may be more understandable than others – you have to think about it. Regardless, I think they’d be pretty epic at their jobs. I mean, come on, a SAINT is coaching you.
St. Paul – Track and Field
He told you to run the race so as to finish. Great advice.
“I’ve got the scorecard right here and I am not pleased with the results.”
2. St. Nicholas – Boxing
Best upper cut in the biz.
“This is how you punch heretics. It helps if you make a face.”
3. St. John Paul II – Ski Club
He showed you how to ski without getting snow on your cassocks and surplices.
“Be not afraid to fly down the slopes with me.”
4. St. Helena – Cross-Country
“I wish these kids would run faster.”
5. St. Dominic – Speech Team
Talked and talked and talked about the proper way to speak. It was almost as if he was preaching.
“Who’s on first you ask? As our Savior said, ‘Those on first shall be last and therefore, third base.’”
6. St. Thomas Aquinas – Debate Team
“Argument Invalid”? He invented it. As a coach, he knew basically everything and if he didn’t, would logic that stuff out. He tried to teach you that as well. Towards the end, he realized that everything he taught you was as straw.
“Because the Uncaused Cause, that’s why.”
7. St. Isadore the Farmer – 4H Club
Would often conduct meetings during the prime of harvest season and during the day. No matter. He had angels to help out.
“One, two, three, four, five…Okay, where’s Raphael? I need to get to my meeting.”
8. Ss. Cyril & Methodius – Letterman’s Club Co-Sponsors
A group for all letter winners, coaches, and Slavs who were eligible to be members.
“Look at all these letters.” “Good work, bro.”
9. St. Genesius – Drama Club Director/Acting Coach and Patron
Refined his acting chops with some of the best. Was so intense you couldn’t tell when he was acting or if he was for real. Everyone wondered if at some point he’d lost his head. Told us all to become fools for Christ and the audience. Legit.
“Hold your mark. I’ll hold this cross while I direct you.”
10. St. Cecilia – Choral Director
Had a heart for singing. Sang her head off in her younger days. Really brought out the best from all the parts. She converted to other keys if the singers couldn’t reach the high notes.
“Dude, this gives a whole new perspective on ‘choirs of angels.’ Also, this beat is sick!”
11. St. Vitus – Dance Team
When he slid to the left, you slid to the left. When he criss-Crossed, you did too. No questions. Someone once turned on a strobe light during practice. That wasn’t good for Coach.
“Dancing with the Stars is for chumps. Try Dancing with the Angels.”
12. St. Gabriel and St. Clare of Assisi – A/V Club Co-Sponsors
Coach Gabriel wanted to send a message that he meant business when it came to the high school radio station. So he made an announcement.
“Check out this new design for our antenna. It should really boost our signal. I highly favor it.”
Coach Clare, on the other hand, had a vision for the student produced weekly TV show. If you tried to talk to her about anything else during production, she wasn’t remotely interested.
“I wonder if we could get this in HD?”
BONUS: Gabriel – Hockey
See the hockey sticks in the picture above? ’nuff Said