For some reason, I have had the plight of the single Christian on my mind. No idea why that is. I have been married for 10 years. I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Why would a guy that has been married for 10 years care what single Christians have to deal with?”
Well, it’s because I am one of those married people that loves asking the annoying questions and making the “funny” comments. My wife and I love to play “matchmaker” and we tend to think that the married life is the only good life worth living. So, to put us and others like us in our place, I have recruited one of our best single lady friends to help out.
Meet Heather Gardner. She’s single, she’s Catholic, and she is happy. She just had another birthday go by without a ring on her finger. You may think, “Awe, poor girl.” Or, “ what’s the matter with her?” But don’t cry for Heather, fellow Christians!! She wants you to know she is just fine, and here are a few things she could live without hearing anymore…
A disclaimer before you read below. Some of the points on this list I appreciate and find as a compliment. I think you’ll be able to figure out which ones are the annoying ones by my commentary.
“I have a son…”
…or a nephew, or a brother, or even “my son has a wife but I think you’d make a better one” (ouch!). You and many people I know have a son who is not married. That’s sweet of you to offer and compliment me by suggesting I might fit into your family well. But, your desire for their happiness, while noble and sweet, should not drive you so far as to push until either of us feels like we’re being pushed to the edge of a cliff! If we meet and we hit it off, great! If not, or if he lives in another state/country and we have an unlikely chance of meeting and actually getting to know each other, I have to go with Elsa on this one and say: LET IT GO.
[Looking at children] “When are you going to have one of those?”
The usual “whenever God wants me to!” tends to suffice. Or when I’m feeling funny, I’ll respond with “I’ll get right on that.”
At or after a bridal shower: “When are you going to get married so we can throw you one of these?”
(see response to previous)
After catching a bouquet at a wedding: “OH MY GOSH YOU’RE NEXT!”
I’ve caught 3 in the last 10 years…I don’t think it works like that. But HEY! I LOVE getting free flower bouquets! In fact I’ve been known to hoard all the centerpieces at weddings and events when clean up starts. Hey, why waste such beautiful flowers? It’s a sin to throw them away!
“Why aren’t you dating anyone?” or my favorite: “What’s wrong with you?”
Gosh, I don’t know! I guess I’ve just contracted that ‘singleness disease’ and I can’t shake it off!!
Seriously though, when people say this, do they really think people are broken if they are single? Or that I should be dating someone regardless of if I’m attracted to them and their qualities just for the sake of dating? People, you clearly don’t know me when you make comments like this.
“You don’t have a family, you must have plenty of time on your hands to do xyz”
Ooooooh boy are you asking for me to punch you hard in the nose. Let me just cut to the chase and say, I am basically married to my job. Don’t tell me (nor assume) I have “plenty of time on my hands.”
Even if someone who is not married does have more free time on their hands than you or people you know with families, don’t be rude! Respect their time and the fact that wherever they are is where they are called to be at this point in their life. And for goodness sake, let them enjoy the time they have now that they might not have so much of later on.
“You can change him.”
Sigh…if someone doesn’t meet the most important characteristics for me, I’m not going to go into a relationship with them with the false notion that I can change them. You’re likely setting yourself up for failure. How does the saying go? Something along the lines of, “you should love the Lord so much that a man has to go to Him in order to get to you.” Yeah – let’s go with that.
The proposed Sugar Daddy:
Someone will try to throw me at a man who is many years my senior because “he’s got a lot of money” or “he’s really hot.” When I have a less-than enthusiastic reaction, they will say “you know…so-and-so are 13 years apart; so-and-so are 19 years apart.”Don’t you think I KNOW that there are couples out there that have many years between them?! I’m not so naïve as to think otherwise. It doesn’t mean that I want someone/am attracted to someone that much older than me. Again, LET IT GO!
“You’re going to make a great mom someday.”
Probably one of the best compliments people have ever given me. Most of my close friends have kids, and I love them all very much. They are like my nieces and nephews; I have also been blessed to be a Godmother to one of them, a role I cherish. With the love I have for them, I can only imagine how much love their parents have.
“Are you discerning religious life?”
No but I do love those who do.
“Single |sin•gle| (adjective) – Too fabulous to settle.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass