The Mundane Mysteries of the Rosary

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History was again made when a medieval manuscript, almost 800 years old, was discovered in the excavations of a small domicile in Bologna, Italy where St. Dominic passed on to his eternal reward in A.D. 1221. The discovery was made by Drs. L. LaCoy, D. O’Kelley (née Lauritson), E. Vander Vennet (née Judson) [some relation to the author], and P. Wood – all lay consultants under the employ of the little known You Are Dust and Some Dust You Shall Excavate dicastery under the direction of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints.

Most know of St. Dominic’s association with the Rosary – a devotional prayer prayed on a set of beads that uses episodes of Jesus’ life on earth as guides to meditation and prayer. The discovery of this ancient manuscript sheds new light on what the “traditional” mysteries actually were as revealed to St. Dominic himself. The importance of the Rosary in the devotional life of Catholics cannot be understated. Perhaps this is why the discovery of a new set of mysteries is such an important find.

Traditionally, the Rosary consisted of three sets of mysteries – the Joyful, Glorious, & Sorrowful – until Pope St. John Paul II added the Luminous Mysteries in 2002. Now, we find that there were always four sets of mysteries and that the recent Luminous mysteries of Jesus’ life are actually the fifth set of mysteries of the Rosary.

EpicPew has been informed that the Magisterium had already begun to look in this direction anyway.

epttAlready there seemed to be a groundswell to add new mysteries to the Rosary as is evidenced by the very popular post entitled “The Tedious Mysteries” published on Facebook by Eye of the Tiber.

Are these two stories merely a coincidence or Providence? You decide.

EpicPew is proud to be the first to break the story and unveil the brand new – but really, the very old – “Mundane Mysteries” of the Rosary, as revealed to St. Dominic by the Blessed Mother. These mysteries show that the ordinary in life can often be extra-ordinary.

Curiously, there were enough Mundane Mysteries to pray one on each bead. One wonders why these were not included in the promulgated official list in the first place. Without further ado and just in time for Easter:

The Mundane Mysteries of the Rosary

  1. Jesus stubs his big toe
  2. Jesus takes a nap
  3. Jesus grows peach fuzz
  4. Jesus gets a “B” in carpentry
  5. Jesus falls off his donkey
  6. Jesus gets a haircut
  7. Jesus colors Mary a picture
  8. Peter books the wrong room for the Last Supper
  9. John gets carded at the bar-mitzvah
  10. Mary plucks her eyebrows
  11. Jesus breaks a sandal strap
  12. Jesus learns to drive a camel
  13. Jesus gets potty trained
  14. Jesus gets his first ticket
  15. Jesus catches his first fish
  16. James pulls John’s hair
  17. Bartholomew and Thomas get lost in Bethsaida
  18. Jesus bakes bread with His Mother
  19. Peter trips on a rock
  20. Joseph gets a splinter
  21. Jesus gets kicked by a donkey, no bruise is left
  22. Joseph carries Jesus on his shoulders
  23. Mary burns supper
  24. Mary shows Jesus how to make grandma’s manna and hummus
  25. Simon and Jude wreak havoc through Nazareth
  26. Jesus ties his sandals
  27. Jesus eats a fish
  28. Jesus sneezes loudly
  29. Jesus nods off during synagogue because He’s heard it already
  30. Jesus sleepwalks on water
  31. Jesus makes Mary and Joseph a paper-mache donkey at Hebrew school
  32. Jesus invents field hockey
  33. Jesus combs his hair to the left
  34. Jesus parts his bath water
  35. Jesus brushes his teeth
  36. Jesus and Joseph share a pipe, make good memories
  37. Jesus smiles
  38. Jesus plays in the mud, miraculously emerges completely spotless
  39. Jesus and cousin John do math, John always subtracts
  40. Jesus catches another fish
  41. Jesus learns to break-dance
  42. Jesus star-gazes, remembers making that one
  43. Jesus chews loudly in front of company, gets dirty look from His parents
  44. Matthew and Peter count rocks together
  45. Paul makes a pup tent, only big enough for dogs
  46. James builds a campfire
  47. Jesus gets sawdust in His eye
  48. Jesus vanquishes acne
  49. Jesus sets the dinner table
  50. Jesus shrinks his tunic in the laundry

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