If you missed my first list of Reasons Why the Catholic Church is So Boring, you should probably check it out first. Here we go again…hopefully it’s not too boring…

Monstrance

I know I’ve seen a lot of these, but I think what they are really for is to give the Priest a “free” workout when they have to lift it up high and carry it…

They really are nothing special to look at either…

It must be really hot too…

 

Priest blogs & vlogs

Again with the teachers of the faith! Aren’t these the same priest’s who put us to sleep during the homilies?!?

Fr. Michael Voithofer – The Wedding Feast of the Lamb podcasts

Bishop Robert Barron (yes, him again!)

 

Fr. Mike Schmitz – (He isn’t a very dynamic speaker, and he’s trying to make me feel bad for sinning too. Seriously, these priests!)

 

Fr. Jonathon Morris – (this guy is so boring, he streams his homilies on FB!)

 

Archbishop Fulton Sheen – (Yep, so very boring! Stop wasting your life already)

 

Saints

Only the perfect become saints in the Catholic Church. There is no way any ordinary person who lives on this earth could ever become a saint…

St. Augustine was so perfect, he partied and had affairs. All his mother did is just prayed for him…boring!

Jesus gave St. Peter the keys to his house, so he had to be perfect.

St. Joan of Arc pretended she was a guy, but wait, she lied and still is a saint?

Icons of Saints

And they honor the saints with these boring icons. Talk about idol worship!

And their always holding stuff…here’s my cross.

I’ve got a peice of paper…

High five?

They must also like to show that everything is “OK” too…

Don’t worry about me, my head is being carried by an angel. I’m OK.

I read this book, its OK.

I read this book and it’s better than yours, but it’s OK.

I wrote on this piece of paper, and I have OK handwriting.

Oh please, stop!

Litanies

With all that idol worship, they never call on the saints for any help, so what are they good for?

Even the definition of Litany is boring: a tedious recital or repetitive series.

Litany of Saint Anthony of Padua

Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary,
Saint Anthony of Padua,
Saint Anthony, glory of the Friars Minor,
Saint Anthony, ark of the testament,
Saint Anthony, sanctuary of heavenly wisdom,
Saint Anthony, destroyer of worldly vanity,
Saint Anthony, conqueror of impurity,
Saint Anthony, example of humility,
Saint Anthony, lover of the Cross,
Saint Anthony, martyr of desire,
Saint Anthony, generator of charity,
Saint Anthony, zealous for justice,
Saint Anthony, terror of infidels,
Saint Anthony, model of perfection,
Saint Anthony, consoler of the afflicted,
Saint Anthony, restorer of lost things,
Saint Anthony, defender of innocence,
Saint Anthony, liberator of prisoners,
Saint Anthony, guide of pilgrims,
Saint Anthony, restorer of health.
Saint Anthony, performer of miracles,
Saint Anthony, restorer of speech to the mute,
Saint Anthony, restorer of hearing to the deaf,
Saint Anthony, restorer of sight to the blind,
Saint Anthony, disperser of devils,
Saint Anthony, reviver of the dead.
Saint Anthony, tamer of tyrants,
From the snares of the devil, Saint Anthony deliver us.
From thunder, lightning and storms, Saint Anthony deliver us.
From all evil of body and soul, Saint Anthony deliver us.
Through your intercession, Saint Anthony protect us.
Throughout the course of life, Saint Anthony protect us.Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.V. Saint Anthony, pray for us.
R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.O my God, may the pious commemoration of Saint Anthony, your Confessor and Proctor, give joy to your Church, that she may ever be strengthened with your spiritual assistance and merit to attain everlasting joy. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

LITANY OF THE SAINTS

John D. Becker
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

Verse 1.

Mary and Joseph, pray for us.
Michael and all angels, pray for us.
Anna, Joachim, Elizabeth, pray for us.
Elijah, Moses, John the Baptist, pray for us.
Isaac, Sarah, Abraham, pray for us.
Jacob, Joseph, Samuel, pray for us.
Ruth, David and Solomon, pray for us.
Isaiah, Jeremiah, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Verse 2.

Peter, Paul, Andrew, pray for us.
James, John, and all apostles, pray for us.
Mary Magdelene, Veronica, pray for us.
Barnabas, Matthias, pray for us.
Stephen, Philip, and Cornelius, pray for us.
Prisca and Aquila, pray for us.
Timothy and Titus, pray for us.
Linus, Cletus, and Clement, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Verse 3.

Lawrence and Chrysogonus, pray for us.
Innocent and Boniface, pray for us.
Hippolytus and Origen, pray for us.
Athanasius and Basil, pray for us.
Felicity, Perpetua, pray for us.
Cosmos and Damien, pray for us.
John Chrysostom and Justin, pray for us.
Lucy, Agatha, and Agnes, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Verse 4.

Jerome and Eusebius, pray for us.
Scholastica and Benedict, pray for us.
Ambrose, Monica, Augustine, pray for us.
Martin and Gregory, pray for us.
Clare, Francis, and Dominic, pray for us.
Francis Xavier, Ignatius, pray for us.
Elizabeth and Catherine, pray for us.
Louis and Wenceslaus, pray for us.
All you holy men and women, pray for us.

Verse 5.

Lord, be merciful, save your people.
From all evil, save your people.
From every sin, save your people.
From everlasting damn, save your people.
By your incarnation, save your people.
By your death and resurrection, save your people.
By your gift of the spirit, save your people.
Have mercy on us sinners, save your people.
Christ here us, Lord Jesus hear our prayer.

Verse 6.

Lord give new life, hear our prayer.
To his chosen, hear our prayer.
By the grace of baptism, hear our prayer.
Oh Jesus Son of the living God, hear our prayer.
Send your Spirit, hear our prayer.
In its fullness, hear our prayer.
On your sons and daughters, hear our prayer.
Who believe and profess you, hear our prayer.
Christ hear us, Lord Jesus hear our prayer.

And here is Mary again. Who would know what to call her with so many names! Geez, so boring!!!

Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God the Father of Heaven,
Have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on us.
God the Holy Ghost,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on us.
Holy Mary,
pray for us.
Holy Mother of God,
pray for us.
Holy Virgin of virgins,
pray for us.
Mother of Christ,
pray for us.
Mother of divine grace,
pray for us.
Mother most pure,
pray for us.
Mother most chaste,
pray for us.
Mother inviolate,
pray for us.
Mother undefiled,
pray for us.
amiable,
pray for us.
Mother most admirable,
pray for us.
Mother of good counsel,
pray for us.
Mother of our Creator,
pray for us.
Mother of our Savior,
pray for us.
Virgin most prudent,
pray for us.
Virgin most venerable,
pray for us.
Virgin most renowned,
pray for us.
Virgin most powerful,
pray for us.
Virgin most merciful,
pray for us.
Virgin most faithful,
pray for us.
Mirror of justice,
pray for us.
Seat of wisdom,
pray for us.
Cause of our joy,
pray for us.
Spiritual vessel,
pray for us.
Vessel of honor,
pray for us.
Singular vessel of devotion,
pray for us.
Mystical rose,
pray for us.
Tower of David,
pray for us.
Tower of ivory,
pray for us.
House of gold,
pray for us.
Ark of the Covenant,
pray for us.
Gate of Heaven,
pray for us.
Morning star,
pray for us.
Health of the sick,
pray for us.
Refuge of sinners,
pray for us.
Comforter of the afflicted,
pray for us.
Help of Christians,
pray for us.
Queen of angels,
pray for us.
Queen of patriarchs,
pray for us.
Queen of prophets,
pray for us.
Queen of apostles,
pray for us.
Queen of martyrs,
pray for us.
Queen of confessors,
pray for us.
Queen of virgins,
pray for us.
Queen of all saints,
pray for us.
Queen conceived without Original Sin,
pray for us.
Queen assumed into Heaven,
pray for us.
Queen of the most holy Rosary,
pray for us.
Queen of peace,

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Grant, we beseech Thee, O Lord God, that we Thy Servants may enjoy perpetual health of mind and body and by the glorious intercession of the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin, be delivered from present sorrow and enjoy eternal happiness. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen.

 

Catholic schools

If you want to bore the kids, just put them in Catholic schools!

First, school, boring.

Second, add “Catholic” to school subjects, boring.

Third, add catechism class and Mass, just put me to sleep already!

These kids look bored in science. I bet public schools don’t look at the bones of a corpse – probably one of those saint guys.

Singing in School Mass, B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

Priest trying ot act “cool for the kids”. Nice try, Father!

They have Crucifixes in all the rooms, not that it would help anyone to remind them to pray before a test or anything…

They never see any of the religious…

Or talk about the saints. Their lives are like really boring history!

Poor kids being tortured by the reading of a book, so boring.

They don’t even have computers in Catholic schools…

They discriminate too…all girls schools.

and all boys schools…

That’s so “old school” and boring!

 

Processions

All the walking! They are always walking somewhere. Talk about a wear-out!

Grand entrance walking into Mass…boring.

Wedding processions…like anyone wants to watch this.

Family bringing gifts up to the altar…boring.

Allowing kids to bring up the gifts is downright dangerous.

Communion line, just a dull line all those Catholics get to wait in.

Poor kids, so bored.

Funeral procession…boring, boring

So, the priest is the last one in, and he’s the first one who gets to leave? Now everyone gets to wait for him to walk out, boring!!!

I bet there were people sleeping in the streets by the time all these bishops walked out…snoozer.

They walk in the streets too! I think they are just trying to get their steps in for the day. Geez!

And carrying stuff too…heavy, and boring!

Poor people walking up hill…too much work.

 

Scientific Advancements

And this is the last straw of boring! Science! All Catholics deny science!

Yep, Catholic priest’s hate science.

Even God doesn’t really like science. He’s so over that.

Nope, Catholics deny the Big Bang Theory. Probably because it’s boring…

Nuns even deny science, it’s just no fun, at all.

I bet Catholics don’t even have telescopes that can look at a clump of cells. Way too boring to look at small stuff.