You know the stereotype that goes along with being Catholic: We all have tons of kids – Just a bunch of breeders. In this day and age anything over 2 children is considered “crazy.” So when families start to get above 4 and 5 kids, it can really turn some heads.
I asked one time on my Facebook page how many kids it takes to make a “large family.” I got tons of answers. It seems the average was 7+. In fact, some people that have over 10 still said they didn’t see themselves as a large family. I am 36 and my wife and I have 4 kiddos right now. They are 8, 2 1/2, 18 months, 5 months, and we have no plans of stopping. I wouldn’t consider us a large family. I always just say we are a growing family and that we are on God’s plan.
We spend a lot of time around other large or growing families. Plenty of stories are passed around about funny looks in public, ridiculous questions, and common assumptions made about large families. Here’s a few common (and generally wrong) assumptions about large families.
The Moms are Fashion Challenged and Amish-like
Not that Amish outfits are a bad thing. It might be nice to know exactly what you are putting on for the rest of your life. I have met some very fashionable moms and dads that are in charge of large families. It is possible to look nice with less.
They Are All Sex-craved Maniacs That Can’t Stop
As a matter of fact, fertility can be a very heavy cross to carry. We don’t want to make a person every time we have sex. Sometimes, we even want to space them out a bit. My wife and I have gone very long periods of abstinence. Are those periods frustrating? OH MY GOODNESS, YES!! But we are happy to do it. Marital abstinence is Biblical and has its benefits. It is a great time to connect with your spouse with your clothes on. It can be deeper, more loving, and a perfect opportunity to grow together.
They Have No Other Hobbies
I don’t know how many of you have been told, “You need to find a better hobby.” I find it to be a very irritating thing to hear. Guess what, I have plenty of hobbies. Raising a large family is our vocation. Puzzles are a hobby. Believe it or not, I am able to fit many hobbies into my baby filled life. Not only that, I can include my kids as they get older. Maybe teach them a thing or two. Personally I love woodworking, video games, working out, hunting, working out, beer,…Believe it or not, there is time for a life outside of your kids that you eventually get to share with your kids.
They All Aspire To Be Like The Duggars
No! No, we do not. That’s a lot of weddings to pay for.
People With Large Families Must Have Grown Up In Large Families.
I grew up with one sister. My wife was raised an only child. My whole life, I always had the number 5 in my head. Abby, my wife, wanted 1 maybe 2. After we joined the Catholic Church we both fell head over heels in love with the idea of having more than two kids. The wonderful thing about opening your life up to God’s will is that you never know how many times he will bless you with a baby.
Finding Out You are Pregnant Is Probably Never Stressful
When I talk to people about how many kids I have, so many of them say “There is no way I could handle more than 1 or 2.” or “I would lose my mind, 1 is enough for me.” I just want to tell them, not every pregnancy starts out as a joyous occasion. Sometimes, people want to bang their head on the wall or run screaming for the hills at the thought of another child. Eventually that worry and turns to joy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful. I guess that’s what prayer, church, Christian friends are for.
Large Families Only Homeschool
Homeschooling is great. That is if you can do it. It is not for everyone. Some kids do better in a private or public school setting. Some parents aren’t cut out for it. There is no shame in that. I stay home with the kids, but I will not be homeschooling them. I don’t have the patience or skill set to homeschool. As long as we can afford private school, that’s where they are going. And trust me, there are plenty of large families doing the same thing.
No TV or No Cable
I don’t know how I would keep my sanity or get anything done without a TV.
The kids are all best friends and get along great
With that many personalities in the house, do you really think everyone always gets along? Come on, now.
They all drive a mini-van
Well, we have a minivan. We are even considering upgrading to a 12 passenger van. But, I promise it’s not true for all of us. I have seen kids dropped off at our daughter’s Catholic School in trucks, SUVs, cars, clown cars…
They must be Catholic or Mormon
This last one came from one of my best buds who is expecting his fourth and is Protestant. Being heavily involved in the pro-life movement, we have met tons of large families that are not Catholic or Mormon. I can even tell you that some of them are not even Christian or religiously affiliated in any way. Some people just want more than a couple kids.
I am sure I missed a few. Feel free to add a few in the comments section. I would love to read some of the other things people have heard. We are all in this together, right?
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They all stand around the piano each night and sing together, especially at Christmas and all major holidays. NOT. I am the youngest of 8, we had a piano and several of us are fairly musical. But it just never happened. Not at Christmas or any other time. Ever.
How about “the mothers are lobotomized zombies and the fathers all aspire to be Commanders of the Faithful in the Republic of Gilead?” That one is actually quite accurate.
I don’t know whether to be amused or insulted…
I notice that neither of you argue against my assertion that fathers of large families desire to be tyrannical patriarchs. Please Google “The Handmaid’s Tale” and then tell me that these fathers don’t want to be Commander of the Faithful Fredrick Waterford.
Probaly because your assertion is silly, sophomoric, and uncharitable.
My statement may be all of those things, but is it false? All the fathers of more than three kids I’ve known in my life have been conservative martinets. All of the fathers of large families who blog or appear in the media are conservative martinets, determined to ensure that none of their dependents ever deviates from HIS opinion. So, can you show me one example of such a father who doesn’t want to be named Commander of the Faithful?
Me. The guy who wrote the blog post to start with. I don’t know where you are going with any of this. I am a stay at home dad raising 4(and counting) unique and independent minds. My wife travels and works hard to support us. Gender has absolutely nothing to do with our roles in this family. Maybe you need to read some new blogs. Mine is called Dougontap. It pretty much revolves around around my wife and I supporting one another and raising our family as one under Christ. I know nothing of the Commander of the Faith mentality. Have a good one.
Karen, if that’s true, that ALL of the fathers of +3 children are like that, then sure, you’ve got a decent sample size to have that opinion. However, you’re still generalizing, which isn’t fair to any good, loving, and respectable father regardless of the number of children he has. This generalization is the main flaw in your assertion and it’s so obvious, I can’t even believe you believe it. Let’s hope you get to meet one of these fathers who can show you some virtue.
I think my husband would laugh hysterically at the concept that he is Commander of anything at home…. Or that he wants to be. You may want to talk to actual real people instead of getting your information from a fiction novel. If there is a conservative Martinet in my home, it’s me.
My favorite thing about this discussion is I a had an opportunity to think about all the fathers I know or have met with 2+ kids. All I know are good, patient, kind, and loving fathers. I have nothing but good examples to look up to. I know no fathers that rule with an iron fist and a scowl on their face.
While I am not catholic, there are times when I feel compelled to defend my catholic friends, and this is one of those times. KarenJo12,”The Handmaid’s Tale”is a novel, so get yourself out of fantasyland.You may not understand or even approve of catholics having large families (which, unless YOU have to pay for them, shouldn’t be any of YOUR business anyway.), but unless you yourself have some meaningful interaction with these families that colors your view, your comments are rude, distasteful, and ill-informed. As Jesus said, “We speak that which we know and testify to that which we have seen”.Letting His Words inform your comments would be a better course of action than fantasy novels.–PEACE IN CHRIST.
“the mothers are lobotomized zombies”. I see you are member of “modern world” who thinks that anything over 2 children is “crazy”. Actually, being infatuated by feminists and other “prophets of modern wold” is more accurate to be called “lobotomized zombie”. You avoid even idea that people from big family can be more then retarded. I have 4 children in my family. My wife have Doctor degree in Medicine, I have Master degree in Computer Science. So, be more accurate about throwing insults around.
But don’t you want to be the absolutely authority Patriarch over your kingdom of people helplessly dependent on your good humor?
Not sure where you are getting your information. I’m sure that some moms & dads can be overbearing but that does not mean that they all are. My husband of 23 years is a darling. We have eight children ranging in age from two to twenty-two and I have watched him over the years lovingly provide for them, play with them, educate them (whether at home or in private or public education – we have done them all), lead them by example, and just be an all-around awesome dad. Please, don’t judge the men who are doing it right by the ones who are doing it wrong. And, as for moms-of-many being “lobotomized zombies” I would beg to differ. I have worked as the administrative assistant to the CFO of an oil company and as an Optometric Technician among other things that require an IQ above room temperature. We have to be careful of painting with such broad brush strokes. =)
I wonder if another one might be “They must have started when they were very young”. I don’t have a big family yet, just three kids, but it wouldn’t be impossible. One of the most frequent discouragements I hear is that it’s too late now (at 34 and 37), we should have started earlier. Is it really true, though? I think there are a number of cases of families that started late but grew quite large.
Is it because you wanted a girl? (I have 5 sons.)
You must have WANTED a big family. You must be rich. You must be poor. You must be stupid. You must be rigid. You must not know what causes this…
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That all large families are either wealthy or destitute.
I actually appreciate what Karen said. Thanks Karen, you made me love and appreciate my husband even more! Here’s why- while I am a Catholic (born and raised) my husband is not. He believes there’s a “higher power” but not the same God I do. We have 4 children, three on this earth and one who just went home to the Lord on Christmas day when I was 23 weeks pregnant. Our religious beliefs are not one in the same, but our moral beliefs of children, family and having a belief are. We raise our children Catholic and they attend Catholic school. Both of us work to make ends meet, but by no means is my husband the Patriarch over OUR kingdom. (Notice I said OUR) everything we do is together. We work to build a home together, we raise our children together, and yes we make choices for our children that we believe are right for their religion, together. While my husband isn’t catholic he does attend mass with us and he and I agree that giving them a good foundation and whole belief is what is best. Plus, when he married me he agreed that our children would share my religious beliefs. He is the “man” of our house if you will, but that means he provides for us, protects us and gives us security in our home and in our family. I chuckle a little inside because I am the one from am big family and if I could I would have children left and right, but that is not the case. So maybe I am the one….maybe I have zombiefied my husband! Lol!!!
I think it’s interesting that I live Baptist country and that the Duggars are so famous but when people find out we have six kids, they still usually ask – Are you Catholic? And I am happy to answer, yes, I am 🙂