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13 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Priest

1. "So...did women not find you attractive or something?"

How is a priest supposed to reply to this? It’s not like they were forced to be a priest because they couldn’t get married or were undesirable.

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Shaun McAfee
Shaun McAfee

Shaun McAfee is the founder of Epic Pew. He is an husband, father, author, blogger and eternal student of the Church. View his website ShaunMcAfee.com for more.

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  • Cyril

    “Can you make a shorter homely? I have a turkey in the oven”. Most classical, you can’t have forgot it!

    • Shaun McAfee

      That’s perfect.

  • Cindyanna

    “You not that bad looking”? Seriously?

  • jenny

    I would send priests to a pre-confession to a woman….so that they can experience the love of God coming from the opposite gender.

    …and some genuine advice on how to decrease the score of fatherless children and irresponsible fathers.

    • RDPaul

      Did Jesus need these insights?

      What does it matter how I experience the love of God anyway? Experience is subjective, the love of God objective, and a woman’s understanding of the love of God is just as inadequate as a mans. Sacraments give us access to the reality, our task is essentially ignore the priest and see Christ through him, I spite of every priest’s falleness.

      Also…most priests know how to end fatherlessness and irresponsible fathers, it’s to point men to Christ on the cross and challenge them “esto vir” to love like that.

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  • Carolyn C

    Priest should return emails. That’s part of responding to his flock. As the pope will attest, he wants his pastors to communicate (social media) with his flock. When I send an email to my pastor three times and it is three times ignored, that is pretty clear, he does not want to help his flock. Of course, we are expected to open letter and emails from the church, right? I can say the same thing, “I am busy being a mom, and follower of Christ, attending Mass, saying prayers, I don’t have time for emails or mail.” What a ludicrous proposition that the priests are not supposed to respond to emails.

    • me, myself & I r all here

      good grief….. 3 emails as if it’s Peter’s 3 denials of Jesus

    • Just sayin

      Three e-mails to the same priest with no response might not mean that he does not want to help his flock. It might mean that he does not want to help you…because you want help in a way that he can not offer.

      Perhaps he’s baptizing, hearing confessions, visiting the hospital, consoling someone who just lost a loved one, mopping out the flooded basement, arguing with the electric company over the new bill, checking the large crack in the boiler, saying his prayers (for you), or preparing his homily which will help thousands of people….not just you.

      Priests should return e-mails in the order of their priority in relation to everything else he has to do. And the people of God should pray that the priest is making the best use of his time for the salvation of his soul and of the souls whom he shepherds.

    • Dastardly

      Some emails don’t deserve a response… think about it. Your demands may not be as important or relevant as you think they are.

    • UAWildcatx2

      Have you maybe thought about setting up an appointment? Or is that too taxing?

    • DebraBrunsberg

      Sometimes priests get so many emails that they only have time to respond to ones that are the highest priority. Sometimes they get endless emails from parishioners who aren’t aware that there are 1500 members in his flock and his priority is the Sacraments, for the ill, for the dying, for those getting married, for those whose family members are being buried. He is most likely responsible for spiritual direction for young men in the seminary, has to celebrate Mass every day or more than once a day and be available for confessions and stop in for RCIA and baptize children. He also needs time for his own prayer life, because without that, he will be unable to do much for anyone else.
      Try to think if maybe an email could go to the Administrator or the Deacon or his Administrative Assistant first, before sending an email to the priest.
      Another word to the wise. Make that email exactly one paragraph long. He is only going to read the first line of each paragraph after that anyway. He doesn’t have time for long winded diatribes.
      Also think about what you just said. If you were the mother of 1200 children, you might not have time to answer your emails. Praise God you have a priest and the Sacraments and really pray about what you need to email your priest about.

    • frank

      Sorry, but you don’t have over a thousand parishioners, and to answer all those emails would be impossible! Better to just call a priest on the phone. The email generation has created a lot of overly sensitive people that overreact when you don’t respond to every email. Priests get a lot of flack today from all sides, because of the scandals etc. But there are many good priests out there who give it their all and are exhausted. Please don’t take it out on your priest because he doesn’t repond to your emails. There are probably dozens more waiting for him in his inbox. Just pick up the phone and call him to make an appointment. And if I might digress…..let me just say that I have no idea what your emails are about. They could be very honorable and important and about something that really needs attention. But after many years of reading blogs etc. and receiving emails originating from blogs, my observation has been that many people hide behind emails and blogging as a way to say something dishonorable, something they would not say to the person up front. I’m not in any way saying that is your intention, but I’m certain that many priests get dozens and dozens and dozens of emails that are hate-filled and vitriolic. It can be a cowardly way of ‘getting back’ at the Church for something they disagree with. This can be an enormous burden to carry for any priest. I hope this helps you in some way. God bless you.

  • LOL

  • religious vomit

    So I can still ask him how many alter boys he has raped.

    • Dastardly

      Still suffering from target fixation with this over hyped meme, if you were a victim of abuse I hope you’ve sought help and are one day able to forgive those who wronged you and pray for those that abused you that they repent and seek help themselves.

      • Mary Martinez

        What I don’t get is why people that believe this waste time coming to these sites. I’m not trolling grade school teacher’s forums asking them how many students they’ve done inappropriate things with. If I believe it what would be the point of mentioning it every chance I got.

    • Mary Martinez

      You sound twisted and almost envious in a way. I’ll make sure to never hire you as a child minder.

      Don’t show me the door. I’m on my way out already.

    • DebraBrunsberg

      Probably five less than you.

  • lorraine Smith

    I know my priest well enough to know they have mass every morning from 7:30 to 8:00, then the rosary from 8:00 to 8:30, then they go to the hospitals to give people the Eucharist and prayers, and last rights. From there they go to the nursing homes to visit parishioners that cannot attend mass due to old age or illness. I am a teacher of the Catechists classes. Pope Francis changed the rules 2 adults to a class or no class. The priest come in on Wednesday night after their busy day to observe what we are teaching. The priest also have bible studies for the parishioners in the morning and at night. I have a lot of respect for my priest at my parish. God bless them for their dedication and devotion.

    • Vince M Sr

      Lucky you. Our church has 5 priest in residents but you think you could get more than one to say Mass during the week? How about a short homily while your at it? Rosary? Prist heads directly to breakfast after Mass hasn’t time for that. He has lots of folks to teach RCIS and except for marriage prep class doesn’t teach anything.
      As for your 2 person rule that is made up. No such rule but it maybe that he is protecting himself from abuse allegations.
      Each of the men assigned here has his favorite activity and does that. As for work in the parish, OK sick calls if the extraordinary ministers can’t do it and maybe he will visit if there is a dinner he doesn’t have to cook.

  • a French Chef

    That ‘job’ has to be a calling because I’m not sure many would volunteer for it. I surely don’t have the strength, intelligence and (Lord have mercy) the people skills. God bless all the religious especially those who work with the flocks.

  • Frfrancisarchno

    Well, I guess I am very thankful, I have been a priest for 13 years and have never been told one of these! I have been told some others though.

  • Deacon Joseph Pasaquella

    The priest I know live well above the poverty level. I don’t know of any priest in our diocese that are hurting for a good meal unless they enjoy beans 😉

  • ibiwisi

    In response to the response about “how much of that collection basket do you take home with you?” Please explain how every priest I’ve ever known has driven a better, later-model car than I have. Nuns too….
    As far as hearing “you’re not that bad looking for a priest.”….take the compliment, for cripessakes! I’ve often joked with friends about the many “Father What-a-Waste”s we’ve known.

  • ibiwisi

    Oh yes…and to this day I’m still fuming about the priest who said he was going to cut short his homily because he knew we all (including himself) wanted to plop down in front of the tv in time to watch the home team playing football. Shows what the REAL religion is and who the REAL gods are in our city.