Forgiveness is hard enough when someone apologizes. The hurt is still there, the results of the sin or betrayal may remain like a fog surrounding us. But what happens if the person who caused the pain isn’t sorry at all? What about if you don’t even know who they are to get an apology, let alone ask for forgiveness? We’ve all heard the news story about the kidnapping of the Today Show’s Savannah Guthrie’s mother. I can’t imagine the pain and hurt they are dealing with daily, not knowing who took their mother, not knowing who they are or why she was taken or even where she is. How is someone able to offer forgiveness to that person? How do we, as Catholics, go on to forgive that hurt or betrayal?
Scripture doesn’t shy away from this pain. In fact, some of the most powerful forgiveness passages in the Bible are about one‑sided forgiveness — the kind that depends entirely on your heart, not theirs. We are called not to be like the non-believers and only ask for revenge or retribution, but we are called to something completely different…forgiveness!
1. Follow Jesus’ Example of Forgiveness
Luke 23:34 – “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Jesus forgives His executioners while they are still killing Him. No apology. No remorse. No repentance. Just mercy poured out on people who will never return it. Not until Jesus dies and they are scared by the literal shaking of His death do some of them realize what they did, that He is the Son of God. We can follow Jesus’ example of forgiveness in spite of what someone has done to us.
2. Forgive Without Asking
Luke 7:36–50 – “Her many sins have been forgiven because she has loved much.”
Have you ever been hurt by someone who knows they did wrong, but just too ashamed to admit it? We are called to still offer forgiveness to those who have wronged us, but just don’t know how to say they are sorry. Forgiveness here is based on the heart. Jesus shows that forgiveness can happen even when the other person doesn’t know how to ask for it.
3. Forgive Your Enemies
Matthew 5:44 – “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
And what about those who aren’t sorry?? Yep we have to forgive them too. Enemies don’t apologize. Persecutors don’t reconcile. People who hurt you rarely come back to make things right. Jesus commands we love and pray for those who have hurt us even when reconciliation is impossible. This is forgiveness that expects nothing in return.
4. Forgive to be Forgiven
Luke 6:36–37 – “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
This reminds me of the parable of the servant who begs for pardon from his debt and receives mercy from his master. Then when someone under him who owes less than he did does the same, instead of forgiveness, he threw him in jail! When his master heard about it, he in turn throws him in jail for not offering the same mercy. (Matthew 18:21-35) The same is for us, if we are not willing to forgive, then how can we be forgiven? Forgiveness is about your soul, not their response. It frees you even if they stay hardened.
5. Forgive Instead of Evil
Romans 12:17–21 – “Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.”
Paul teaches that our response to wrongdoing must not mirror the wrong. Forgiveness becomes a way of breaking the cycle. Being like Jesus to someone else may be the only example of Jesus they see or know. Wouldn’t we rather be the person who doesn’t let evil change who you are, than turning into someone like “them”? We know who wins in the end…don’t let unforgiveness take that away from you.
6. Forgive To Be At Peace
Romans 12:18 – “If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.”
Think of all the pain and suffering Mary felt watching her Son on the way of the Cross. She did not retaliate or beg for mercy for her Son. She did not hate those who hated Him. Instead she was peace. Paul also acknowledges something we all know: peace is not always possible. Some people will not reconcile, no matter what you do. But don’t let evil change who you are, which is a Child of God. You have to live with yourself and choices, not theirs. If they don’t forgive or offer reconciliation, then walk away. Your peace is worth more than their sin.
These passages reveal a truth that brings both challenge and freedom:
You can forgive even when they won’t. You can release the debt even if they keep holding onto the wound. You can choose mercy even when they choose distance.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the hurt, deny the injustice or erase the boundaries you may need to set. What forgiveness does do is free your heart from bitterness, resentment, and the weight of waiting for someone else to change. It is a way of letting go, even if they won’t. Even Jesus couldn’t get everyone to love and follow him, or to not hurt him physically or mentally. They turned away from him and hurt him in ways we will never understand all the way up to the Cross. Yet, in his final few words, He still found a way to forgive. This is the forgiveness Jesus teaches and lived. We must also to forgive like Him.